Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Whiskey+Metra Newsletter=Fun

Who knew that the Metra has a newsletter????? Not this girl!  It all started when I stopped by my favorite Ogilvie bar after working late.  I had 20 minutes to kill before my train, and I had every intention of boarding the train early and finishing up some paper work, BUT I couldn't help but notice a sign advertising a drink special on Manhattans.  I stopped in for 1, because it would be rude to walk past my favorite bar serving my favorite drink on special.  So, I had my drink and then boarded the train as planned...and that's when I saw it: the Metra newsletter.  It was the headline on the front page that caught my eye: "Shhh! Quiet cars to debut".  Praise the sweet little baby Jesus; it's about f***ing time!!!!!  After reading the article I found the most amazing thing: the Metra Soundingboard.  A forum for all of the tired, cranky commuters to provoke and insult each other.  Had I known of it's existence I may never have started this blog!  Naturally, I couldn't help myself and I emailed the following post:

"Title: Wilmette Wrangler
I would like to preface this rant by clarifying that I did not christen this woman the "wilmette wrangler" I just over heard her nickname from others who have experienced her wrath.  She really is the worst of the worst, takes up all 4 seats(during rush hour!!!)  at the end of the car with her various CVS bags and punishes anyone who sits across from her by piling her bags on them.  I am one of her many victims.  She treats the conductors like garbage and throws a screaming tantrum if anyone is sitting in "her" seat when she boards.  She is an infamous terror on the UP North line and needs to be taught a lesson- so I am going to sit in "her" seat as often as possible."

Like I said, couldn't be helped....liquid courage and what not.  Which brings me to my next brilliant idea!  I am going to share my favorite posts from the Sounding Board when I find ones that thoroughly entertain me.....STARTING NOW:

"Title: He's asking for it
For you people bashing the seat-hoggers: I am one of those people!  I can tell you one thing: I have to wake up at 4am to catch the train.  You betcha I am going to get the double seat on the top closest to the exit.  When you get on the train and I see you coming I act like I am sleeping.  Why, you ask?  Because some of you don't shower, or fart right next to me.  I for one am not dealing with this on my way to work.  I don't care how much you whine.  Your enemy the seat-hogger!!! Jake"

HOLY BALLSTEIN!  I don't know if I hate him or love him...can't decide

Monday, December 20, 2010


                                                          Twitter: @attaboy_designs
So far THIS is my favorite, but I'm sure I am going to love the one Josh is making for me even more.  I had a phrase stuck in my head for over 2 weeks an thought it would look amazing on one of these shirts- can't wait to show it off! 

What is This pt. 2

 It hasn't started snowing, I think it's safe to say  you can un-tuck your pants from your boots......unless you're going fly fishing on your lunch break.
As if that get up wasn't bad enough, this glorious ensemble made it's way around the corner seconds later:
 I know what you're thinking; "Lindsay, the man is obviously a doctor, leave him alone!"  I don't know about you, but I have never seen a pair of scrubs with pleats and a waistband.  One look around the city at lunch time and it's understandable that companies like UBS find it necessary to create a dress code.

The following made my day:
Loves it!!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I went on a date with Clay Aiken

Ok so I didn't literally go on a date with Clay, but it was his look alike.  I have requests from many friends to start documenting my experiences in the on-line dating scene.  I have been hesitant because I don't want to come off as a shallow bitch, but I do find it hard to keep some of the stories in.  I will state though, that none of my dates have been horrible.  Everyone I have met has been really nice, just not the right person for me.  So here goes......

On-line dating is a tricky thing you see.  Most people search for the best picture they have EVER taken and then that is there profile pic.  The rest of the pictures contain some
kind of amazing photo of a vacation they have been on to let the ladies know they are adventurous.  Please.  The other pictures are of them amongst friends and normally placed far enough away that you really can't see exactly what they look like.  And occasionally you'll get the guy who takes a picture with his nephew to make it look like he loves kids.  It's so cheeseball!!!!  

On this particular date, I was convinced he was smoking hot!  
His profile picture was of him making a very serious face and 
he had on those "geeky cool" thick glasses that lots of guys are 

We chatted a few times via "online website" and text.  Decided to meet at a bar in River North.  He showed up, smiled and I think the expression on my face said it all.  Dead ringer of Clay Aiken. UGH!!!!  Not to mention 6'0 in on-line dating world really means 5'10.  In my head I'm thinking, "well you're here and I'm sure he is nice, don't be a total bitch." So we had a couple drinks and in the end he was a great guy.  Really nice, but not one, single, f****** spark was flying anywhere. What sucks the most about on-line dating is that they don't like you just as much.  So it's a major blow to the ego when you don't like them and come to find out, they think you suck too. He was probably thinking "Jesus crazy chihuahua lady, I get it, you like your job! I'm not buying a suit from you."

I'm not giving up though on my quest for love.  In the end, dating gets my lazy butt off the couch and obviously gives me great writing material.  I don't have the energy to back track on my other dates, although I should.  One time I literally jumped in a bus and left while the guy was still processing why I had to leave all of a sudden.  And another guy, used the word "retard" so lightly it offended me....and I'm hard if not impossible to offend.

Stayed tune....I got a couple more guys in the pipeline so I will have more to report after the holidays.  And if you do have a friend to set me up with, don't be afraid, I won't write about that one;)


Friday, December 17, 2010


A very talented friend of mine has recently started up his own tee shirt line based off of Chicago graffiti and architecture.  All of the images are hipstamatic and were taken by Josh on his iPhone.  The shirts are awesome and Josh is taking orders from boutiques left and right.  He is working on a special one for me, and as soon as I get it I will share pictures!
Josh can be contacted by email:
twitter: @attaboy_designs

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Home Alone

After more apartments than I can even remember, and more roommates than I can even count- I finally found my own place.  Sure the rent doubled, and I had to do all of the cleaning alone, but it was MY place.  I no longer had to label food in the fridge, be courteous of other's sleep cycles, or avoid awkward eye contact with random shackers I passed in the hallway.  I played music loud in the shower and sang at the top of my lungs, bought expensive bottles of wine and didn't have to worry about hiding them, and CONSTANTLY walked around naked.  Sometimes to move forward you have to take two steps back, and I have landed at my Dad's 27!  There are some perks, I come home to a warm meal (tonight was shake and bake chicken) , I only have to walk Beau once a day, I don't pay bills, I am driven to and picked up from the train station every day, and I have a choice of three cars to drive.  I have to admit my family has a pretty good sense of humor, case in point:

I do appreciate the support of my family and the amenities living at home has to offer, but I can't wait to be in my own place again.  Because even when I lived alone, I always had something to look forward to coming home to:

Living alone can suck it!!!!

Most who know me, know I absolutely hate being alone. Too much time left to my own thoughts is not good. Looking at my fridge just reiterates why I hate living alone. Every time I open it, its like a slap in the face saying, "yup, that's all you need for 1!" I thought I would just list off a few depressing items in my fridge to better explain my anger. Starting with the top shelf, butter, gravy for Joey's dog food (barf) and a water bottle. Shelf 2, old creamer that I'm too lazy to throw away, cottage cheese and cream cheese in which I have nothing to spread on or eat with. 2 sad bottles of beer, dips in which I have nothing to dip in, various crap in the drawer and carrots and old salad. Pretty killer:)

Freezer is so filled with old, frost bitten items I won't even go there.

So if you're a friend of mine and you're making dinner....please call me:) I like food and cooking for one is really hard.

You know who isn't complaining about living alone and making dinner for one?
<-----This guy. I swear he is a bottomless pit of food. Constantly wants more. And because he is home alone for the better part of 13 hours a day, I feel the need to compensate with food. This is why I shouldn't have children.


I found out last night that my girlfriend Anne died. We haven't spent much time together over the past couple of years, but would cross paths every few months and share a drink, a catch up session and a laugh. We met years ago working at the same bar and ended up cocktailing all of our shifts together because we had such a blast- she used to say "troublemaker" in Italian all of the time (I don't want to butcher the spelling) and that's what we were together- 2 troublemakers. We had a lot of fun , a few bad fights (which ended with her sending me Scooby Snack shots across the bar as an olive branch) and more than anything she made me laugh. Anne sent me a text last month wanting to get together for a drink and I didn't respond because I was buried at work and thought: "I'll call her later.". I don't believe in regrets, but I wish I had met her and seen her one last time. The news didn't really sink in last night, it kind of just rolled around in my head. I had dreams about the times we had spent over the years, and then I opened up the newspaper at the train station this morning and as I read the small paragraph about Anne it sank in. Anne, you will be missed so much. These are the things I will remember when I think of you: you're cooking (especially the artichokes you made me), your cats (I can't stand cats, but Jeeves and Boomba were cool), your tall black Uggs that you cocktailed in- you made them look fashionable, your laugh- it was infectious, your passion, watching 90210 with you, Scooby Snacks (So sweet, not even a good shot, why did we love them???) Dirty Martinis, your heart, your gorgeous long brown hair, and your light- you radiated an energy that drew people to you- I always knew I would have fun when I saw you enter a room. Rest in Peace Anne, I will miss you dearly, my thoughts go out to your family.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Arch Nemesis Strikes Again

I ran in to an old friend on the train this morning and just as I was telling him about my arch nemesis she appeared in our car.  My friend was in the middle of refusing to believe she is as bad as I describe, when all of a sudden something came barreling down the aisle knocking every passenger in the back of the head with her many bags- our fault, it was rude of us to be in HER way.  I had just gotten back in to my conversation with Jon when I heard my nemesis start screaming like a banshee- apparently not everyone got he memo that the last 2 seats in the third car from the back of the train are reserved for HER.  She stood there and yelled until the poor man got up and moved to another seat!  Literally, threw a tantrum like a child- unreal.  Jon experienced her for the first time today and agreed to help me teach her a lesson, next time she boards the train, Jon and I will be sitting in her seat, she can throw a fit until she is blue in the face, because I'm not moving, and Jon can out crazy her any day of the week.  If the Metra won't check her, I will!
The watch your step sign is there to warn passengers who think about sitting next to her- "Watch your step- crazy lady will strike!" 

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Josie (and the Slurkey)


Married to Rock might be my favorite reality show on the air right now.  I want to go on tour with Josie- how many husbands would embrace their wive's love of Hello Kitty?!  She is a riot- Loves her so much that Jill and I decorated our Thanksgiving slurkey in her likeness

It's Begining to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Just got home from Wisconsin after spending the weekend making cookies in Burlington.  My Aunt makes all of my Grandmother's old cookie recipes every year and I went up to help and to unwind. 

 I always appreciate the city more when I spend some time away.  Life is so different there, slower, more relaxed and much more intimate.  I went with my Aunt and Uncle to a brithday party for one of their friends who I have never met, and had a much better time than I usually have bar hopping down town.  First of all, the food was amazing!  The birthday girl's husband is a very talented cook and the second we walked in we were handed a menu to create our own pasta dish for dinner.  I went with grilled chicken, zucchini, mushrooms, pesto, and alfredo.....delicious!  They had their family, friend and neighbors over, and I couldn't help but think about how many dinners parties I attended with my city neighbors over the years......NONE!  I think the difference is that in the city there is such limited space, with so many people living on top of each other that most people want to put space between their neighbors and themselves.  In the country there is SO much open space, and homes are so spread out, that people want to visit ech other's homes and spend time together.  I have always said that space is healty, I find that I'm a much nicer, happier, more tolerant Lindsay after putting myself on a good timeout.

I don't like driving.  I especially don't like driving in the rain, the dark, or the SNOW!  It's even harder driving in the snow and BBMing Jill, but I was bored driving like Miss Daisy, and there was nothing acceptable on the radio.  Which brings me to my next question:  What ever happened to Ace of Base?????

ugh being snowed in sucks!!!!


Ok so Lindsay says I have to blog today. She is, not as much. Mostly because what is on my mind is either sarcastic or something inappropriate, but Lindsay seems to think we have a "public" to please so here goes.

What did I accomplish today? Well I had intentions of going on an appointment in Inverness, but then looked outside and the couch won that battle. So here is a short list of things I accomplished today:

1) Fed Joey and took him out once....yes once, he doesn't like this weather either
2) Ate an entire box of mac & cheese (puuuagghhh! That's the sound of me barfing)
3) Watched 3 movies, 1 of which was a other words, spinster movies.
4) at 5:30 I decided enough was enough and I made myself a Kaluha and coffee (which by the way is amazeballs!)
5) and now I'm blogging and listening to Sarah McLaughlin's x-mas CD which is one of my favs:)

BIG DAY!!!!!!

So that's it folks! Hope you had as amazing as a day as I did:)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Ooooooooh, It's a Lady

As my sleader, Jill has taught me many things, none as important as how to ride the wheelchair lift at the Sears Tower (suck it Willis).  She gets a 9.5 for style and her dismount was flawless.

What is this?

Nothing makes me more mad then when I see someone coming into work as if they picked everything up off the floor and put it on their body. Baggy cords, clunky shoes, terrible top coat, and a dirty yellow ski cap. Nothing about this says, "I'm a successful businessman."
Guys, if you're reading this (which I highly doubt because we have 2 followers) don't wear this outfit. The sadest part was, this guy may have been half way decent looking if he wasn't so mish-moshed.

My Pimp Ride

Meet Jill

I told my bestie Jill about my blog and invited her to contribute, instead of playing good cop bad cop, she and I play bad cop, worse cop.  Here is your first taste of Jill:
"First blog entry: F**k you Chicago!  First you don't sweep the sidewalks making it impossible to run in heels in this slush factory, secondly your bus drivers must get off on seeing people run for them as they pull away!"

Pandora 1/ My Metra Arch Nemesis

I depend on Pandora to get me through my morning train ride- it keeps me awake, and when the playlist is good it starts the morning off right. Here's what Pandora has in store for me today:
1) Genius Next Door- Regina Spektor
2) I'm yours- Jason Mraz (dont't love it or hate it, but not worth using a skip)
3) Seven Nation Army- White Stripes(love it, but not what I'm in theemood for this morning- still not worth skipping)
4)1 2 3 4- Feist(HATE it! How many of her songs do I have to skip before Pandora accepts I will NEVER like her?)
5)New Soul- Yael Naim (skip! Used to like it- now I just find it annoying)
6) Two Weeks- Grizzly Bear (love the opening, tolerate the rest of the song)
7) Sleepyhead- Passion Pit (THUMBS UP!)
My arch nemesis just got on the train!! She made my bad list the day we sat across from each other in the seats that face each other in the back of the train. Although she had an entire seat to herself, she found it necessary to pile her CVS bags in a mountain on the seat next to me that fell on my head every time the train Jerked. The conductors told me once that she is of the belief that those seats are hers and so she punishes whoever sits there with her. I now plan on sitting there again for round 2- stay tuned.
8) Float on- Modest Mouse (thumbs up)
9) Birthday- The Beatles (thumbs up- making me want to play the air tambourine down the train aisle not to mention they're the greatest band ever!)
10) Wild Thing- The Troggs (thumbs up! Livening up this rather boring ride)
My arch nemisis is currently laying across 2 seats- is this train legal?!? I'm 90% sure its not!
11) Heart of Gold- Neil Young (THUMBS UP)
12) Wouldn't it be nice- Beach Boys (thumbs up- love this song and it sounds like the summer so I'm forgetting that its freezing and covered with snow outside)
13) A Day in the Life- the Beatles (THUMBS UP- also sums up my mornings during the week: "woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head.......")
14) Don't Let the sun go down on me- (I go both ways on this song- love the verses, hate the chorus. Might skip halfway through)
15) Brown Eyed Girl- Van Morrison (thumbs up- my mom makes me dance to this with her at every wedding we've ever been to)

Waiting for the bus to take me to the office now, every day the line is backed up to the train station door because people line up toward the train station instead of down the sidewalk- so today I made my own line. Who's coming with me?

16) we are the champions- queen (skip- not in the mood)
17) Helpless- Crosby stills Nash young (skip- great song but putting me back to sleep)
18) Day Tripper- the Beatles (thumbs up! Eff yeah! Love the guitar riff)
19) More than a feeling- Boston (SKIP!!!!)
20) Down on the corner- CCR (thumbs up!)

Haha, the man who started the stupid line at the bus stop is glaring at me from across the bus.

21) Strawberry Fields- The Beatles (thumbs up- did I mention that John Lennon is the most talented Beatle?)

I love Wacker along the river early in the morning and late at night when there is no one on the streets. Especially with Christmas lights.

Thursday, December 9, 2010


I spend 17.5 hours commuting by train and bus every week.  Thats 70 hours a month, 910 hours a year, and one million reasons I find to say; "REALLY!?!".  Every "REALLY!?!" has a different meaning, ranging from; "is she REALLY eating chicken wings on the train", to "Does your briefcase REALLY require it's own seat on the busiest bus of the day".  Maybe I'm the crazy one for expecting manners to exist on public transportation, I'll let you be the judge.